Ride a Bicycle
I need to ride my bike more. Not just for health or for the absolute joy of it, no, I need to ride my bike for America as my part in the LWOT. You see, bicycle riding is one of the key weapons we have against the forces of terror. While President Bush harassed Congress to grant him unlimited powers to surveil any phone line that comes through America, he should have been beating the drum for bicycle ridership. There was a brief period when he did encourage the American folks to bike-up, but then something happened and that talking point went the way of "Mission Accomplished."
I say, it's time to bring it back. When the terrorist realize we are a nation of bicyclists, they would be silly to think that our war against them had anything to do with the enormous oil reserves in western and central Asia or regional power dynamics. Oil-schmoil, we're there to deliver the freedom you all so genuinely crave (like a pulled pork sandwich on Passover).
Every time you hit the saddle on your bicycle, you're sending a message: "The terrorists must be defeated." And you will defeat terror by feeling better, having fun, and lowering the amount of fossil fuels needed to haul your ass from point to point. Also, bicycling encourages community. You're open and exposed to the geography through which you peddle. You can take notice of your surroundings and participate more fully in the act of living in a community.
Terrorists hate strong communities full of happy, healthy people — why do you think they live in caves and blow things up? So let's all commit to riding a bike, even once a week. And make it a real ride, like to work or the store. That way, the enemies of our way of life will know that we are serious.
